Money

The day after we arrived in England from Zimbabwe, I went out on a little mission; namely, to investigate the offerings of the British confectionary industry. I effected this mission at the nearby corner shop. Apart from being rather taken aback by the discovery that Cadbury was not a Zimbabwean brand, I was generally most satisfied with the results of my research.

When I went to the counter to pay for my selection, and the cheery Indian man behind it (yes, they have Indians in England too!) told me the price, the realisation suddenly dawned on me that I was completely unfamiliar with British currency. In a mildly panicked fluster, I regarded the pile of assorted coins in my hand, and then just thrust the whole lot out to the man, for him to take the appropriate amount.

Well, I found this little episode so unspeakably embarrassing that I made my way back home and immediately stationed myself at the dining room table with a comprehensive array of coins before me, and proceeded to make a careful study of them, that I might never again be placed in a position of such shame by my pecuniary ignorance.

And here’s the thing. I memorised the identity of every British coin in a matter of about 45 seconds. The coins are wonderfully designed, each with a size, weight, shape, or combination of these factors peculiar to that coin, making each one instantly recognisable, even at a distance, in the dark, in the depths of a pocket or handbag.

What a startling contrast to the august, worthy currency that is the legal tender of 17 states of the European Union.

For those of you who are familiar with the euro, here is a little quiz. Those of you not familiar with it, feel free to hang around and watch.

1) This coin is:

A.      €1

B.      €2

2) This coin is:

A.      20c

B.      50c

3) This coin is:

A.      1c

B.      2c

C.      5c

4) This note is: 

A.      €10

B.      €50

C.      €200

ANSWERS

1. B

2. A

3. C

4. C

SCORE

All correct: Congratulations! Either you fluked (you had a 2.8% chance of doing so), or you really know your euro!

Three correct: You are definitely among those with a privileged knowledge of the European currency.

Two correct: Not bad. At least you are likely to pay the correct amount for your purchases half the time.

One correct: Better than none at all.

None correct: Join the club.

The euro was introduced in 2000, and notes and coins started circulating in 2002. This makes it a comparatively new currency. Now, if you have a currency that doesn’t make much sense but has been around for ages, then there is a certain case for keeping it – because it would be a hassle to change it to something more user-friendly.  But in this case, a currency was being designed from scratch. There were all the colours of the visible spectrum to choose from; there could be the most magnificent works of art embossed upon the notes and coins; they could be square, triangular, shaped like animals (how cool would that be?); the euro could be the envy of every country with a frumpy-looking currency. Given the above, why oh why, please tell me, would you go and churn out a load of coins which all look the same and a note which is virtually indistinguishable in poor light from a note 20 times its value?

It puts me in a very frustrating position when I am in a eurozone country, and I have to pay for something in a shop. I stand there for interminable minutes, poking around in an amateurish fashion at a handful of coins, trying to identify those which will most efficiently serve my purpose, and wanting to cry out at the shop assistant and customers in the steadily growing queue behind me, “I’m not like all those other clueless tourists, you know! I’ve been using the euro for ages!” But I don’t. Because the shop assistant and gathering customers would just roll their eyes and mutter, “Oh, these stupid, stupid tourists.”

In a quest to find specimens of notes and coins from which to draw inspiration, I have just typed “Cool notes and coins” into Google Images. I nearly closed the computer and went to make a cup of tea when I saw that of the first 20 images proposed, no fewer than 12 were pictures of euros and pounds. I realised it was probably due to my geographical location and to the fact that my last few Google searches have involved the euro, so I decided to put the cup of tea on hold and do another search.

This time, “beautiful money” yielded the following:

The old Dutch currency:

I bet they have mixed feelings about the euro in their day-to-day banknote-handling activities.

The French Pacific territories:

Another European currency whose beautiful notes had to make way for the dowdy euro.

 The Comoros franc:

Breathtakingly evocative.

Canada – pictures of people having fun. What a marvellous theme for banknotes.

And, I’m exceedingly proud to note, Zimbabwe’s hundred-trillion-dollar note (now – in one sense unfortunately – replaced with the more dependable US dollar) made it into the top twenty results.

And finally, my vision of animal-shaped banknotes has come true: